Why do I Have Low Self-esteem?
Low self-esteem stems from an unrealistic, marginalized and diminished self-identity.
The lens that evaluates “self” under-estimates strengths, uniquely beautiful characteristics while over-estimating minor weaknesses and mistakes.
Low self-esteem is not the result of one primary root cause, but rather an accumulation of many causes and conditions. The factors which impact a person’s self-esteem might be culture, family of origin, gender, as well as personal attributes such as intellect, emotional awareness, individual traits, and socio-economic status.
How I Help People with Low Self-esteem
Ego, in a very general sense, is how we see ourselves, and what we believe we are and what we are not. Most people have heard of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We might think of Narcissistic Personality Disorder as a “Superiority Complex” or a general over evaluation of our capabilities and accomplishments.
If there is a superiority complex, there must be an inferiority complex.
When I work with individuals who suffer from low self-esteem, we examine with fierce courage, and equally fierce compassion, our true self. This is hard work! Very often folks with low self-esteem have subconscious beliefs about themselves which result in self-induced isolation, shutting-down, and sorely under-estimating our capabilities.
An aspect of therapy for low -self-esteem also involves identifying the subconscious pay-offs associated with a broken sense of self.
For most folks who have self-esteem, myself included, compassionate investigation reveals a deep sense of familiarity with low self-esteem. The thought that you might be something else, something strong, someone worthy of love is scary. It also involves recognizing the payoff of non-accountability. If I am broken and wounded, no-one should have any expectations of me. In fact, why aren’t my loved one’s doing more to fix me? There is quite a big pay-off if I put my autonomy and self-responsibility off of me and onto you.
Therapy to address low-self esteem is not only hard work, but it takes more than a small dollop of fearlessness. But, oh my goodness, when you stare down the darkness of low-self esteem, the liberation is like nothing else!