Struggles and Opportunities – In The Same Moment
For Mattie, both struggles and opportunities have existed within the same moment many times this week. Mattie’s father recently suffered a stroke and she has assisted in his physical and emotional care while in the hospital. Father is now frail and scared. Occasionally he has a fleeting awareness of his new existence. The ability to shower, walk, stand, eat and speak without assistance may be a thing of the past. A great degree of freedom is gone, at least for the time being. Mattie has felt tired, misunderstood, angry, “don’t care”, compassionate and sad. She has felt “up and down and all over the place”. At times Mattie is accepting, present, compassionate and so her ego softens. At other times she is feels angry, victimized and sad and so the ego hardens.
The Only Thing You Can Count On Is Change
Mattie is thinking about the complicated relationship she has had with her father. Because of the inevitable tide of change, whatever relationship existed will be different in the future. Mattie is remembering the many faces of who he was and how the face that was presented was dependent on the situation, the other person, strong beliefs, or thoughts. Mattie wonders about the true essence of her father. Mattie remembers the “scary, raving lunatic” and the “generous, spiritual man”. Who was this man before the stroke took much of him?
How Many Faces Can One Person Have?
Mattie’s father may be a complicated person who was highly reactive and generally a paradox of personalities. However, the many faces of “self” is a personality trait that we all share. Our need to be humble, to impress, to have more stuff, to be a victim are all expressions of our ego, or sense of self. The face that is presented is “turned on” in part by, our roles and how we define those roles, our expectation of how others should act (based on our definitions of these roles). Only when we are conscious and aware can we allow these presentations of our self (or ego) to be diminished. Then we are allowed to feel peace, see clearly, react authentically and make space for our own consciousness.