Tag: Ego

Ninja Ego

Ninga Ego 

The Ninja Ego

The ego. An elusive but dominating force. It sneaks up on us and takes control of our thoughts, words, and behaviors in a wink of an eye. I have had many discussions with clients, friends and family about the importance of understanding one’s ego.  I have been trying to understand mine for a long time.

The persona of my ego is a ninja. It is shadowy, elusive, potentially dangerous but never far away.

When the conditions are right my ego-ninja takes control of the wheel by hi-jacking perceptions, emotions, rational thinking and behaviors. Often the agenda of my ninja are at odds with my true objectives.

The Latest Coup Attempt 

Please let me provide a little background information for the recent conditions which made a coup attempt perfect for my ninja . My family, like many families, has suffered a great deal due to alcoholism and substance abuse. If you have or have had substance abuse in your family, you know that it is the bad gift that keeps on giving through the years and sometimes, sadly through generations.

Right Conditions

The conditions could not have been more perfect for my ninja ego. It’s summer and I’m at a pool party. An acquaintance, I will call Dean, is drinking shots of Jack Daniels. And…as people do when drinking Jack Daniels…. Dean is becoming obnoxious and loud. A group of vibrant 20 year old girls are at his table. Dean tries  to convince the young women to drink shots with him. None of them do thank goodness. However, Dean was perfectly modeling a crash course in Binge Drinking 101. Responsible Drinking 101 is the course that would benefit the young women. Not to mention Dean’s is breaking the law. And, not to mention, maybe the families of these young women would like to be the ones who introduce them to alcohol by modeling responsible drinking ie Now that you are legal drinking age, would you a glass of wine with dinner?

The Ninja Takes Control

After observing Dean’s actions, I was quite angry. After calming down, I decided to talk to Dean and explain why his actions were not OK on many levels. The discussion I planned to have with Dean began running through my head. It was only through a deep awareness that I understood what Ninja Ego truly wanted. My true objectives were to try and help Dean see how his actions encourage binge drinking of hard whisky to young women and why that is dangerous.   Ninja had a different agenda. Because of my past pain, Ninja Ego wanted to make Dean feel stupid and ashamed. Trying to shed some light on Dean’s behavior had taken back seat to Ninja Egos objectives. Ninja Ego wanted Dean to pay… a little. And at the end of the conversation, Ninja wanted to feel superior and smarter. Yes, Dean should be told that what he did was not smart and explain why. But Ninja wanted more

Surprise….You Too Have an Ninja Too

Your ego has ninja qualities too. Look for them. Understand them. What makes your ninja ego plan a coup? To answer this ask yourself, what do you defend? Is your existence or worth based on some idea of what it  is to be a good man/woman, Republican/Democrat, vegetarian/meat-eater, victim, Protector of Young Women?

When anger, frustration, judgement, intolerance arise, your ninja ego ninja is close by. She is elusive. She is in the shadows, but she is there. Before you know it your good intentions are vanquished.

The most interesting aspect of this experience was the subtle nature of ninja. I barely saw the true intentions, which were to make Dean feel bad, and for me to feel superior and smarter. It was if ninja ego was somewhere, very, very far  back in my subconscious mind.

I know you are there ninja ego. I am watching out for you.

be in peace – diane

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The Avatar of Ego

 

Guest Blogger Sonic Yogi

As soon as we begin to attach to an Identity we begin to build an Ego. What’s an Ego? The ego is an avatar that we have created. It seems worthy of love from others. An avatar is also something to be defended from others. So, ironically, ego keeps the connection to others from fully occurring.

We also begin to build the “Shadow”, or the part of of identity that is hiding from view. Shadow fears being discovered because it conflicts with the identity I have chosen. Shadow has desires that seem unacceptable and must be kept secret. This shadow is partly conscious, but mostly subconscious.

Most of ego is ingrained into society at a deep level so that it remains subconscious. When we are children, we are asked, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” What will you become? It’s as if what we are isn’t enough. We have to choose from a list of activities that will someday define us. It’s not the activity that’s the problem, it’s our need to define ourselves and our need to define others.LoveoverFear

Why is this all so insane? Because no one, not one soul on the planet, chose to be most of these things that define our ego. None of us chose to be White, Black, Yellow, Male, Female.. ..most did not even choose to be a certain religion etc.. ..before we got here. Some things are fundamental to us and others we have chosen, but NONE of them are what WE ARE. But what are we? Humans? yes.. but more importantly we are spirits..and we are psyches..which above all, desire to love and be loved…This is universal for every person and ironically it’s this desire that fuels the quest for identification and acceptance in the first place.

So, the ultimate stress reduction is to surrender, and let go of all of this, and to begin to choose Love over Fear.

About Sonic Yogi (Jon Adams)

Sound has the power to heal. During an experience with extreme anxiety, I found Sound Therapy to be a valuable tool for relaxing and letting go of stress. As a musician, I have always thought of music as a way to entertain and move our emotions. Now I see it’s potential as a healing force. Sound, used therapeutically, can help us relax, de-stress, reconnect and FEEL GREAT. Free downloads and insightful blogs are available at: http://sonicyogi.com/

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Relief From Ego

We experience a wonderful sense of relief when we no longer feel the need to defend and protect the ever changing and illusive ego.

Assistance Needed In The Baking Aisle

I was recently speaking with a friend (I will call Mattie) who became distraught following a verbal attack by her father. The father has a history of verbal abuse, is believed to be mentally-ill, and is perhaps showing signs of dementia. Mattie stated her “breakdown” occurred with what Oprah calls the “ugly cry” in the middle of the baking aisle of Kroger. Complete strangers were saying “God Bless You” as they tried to help her out to her car with her groceries. While in the safety of her car, the self-criticizing began. “What is wrong with you?”, “You just made a fool of yourself”, “Those people probably think you are crazy”. Due to her previous work in counseling, Mattie was able to recognize the critical voice and told it to get in the back seat of the car where is belongs.

Insult and Injury

After the emotions subsided Mattie began to examine the intense hurt she felt. She knew that to some extent the insults and cruel words were the voice of a mental illness. She also knew that the words were hurtful and mean. Words that no daughter should have to hear from her father. Mattie continued to examine her response because she knew there was some truth, or lesson within this difficult experience.  Then Mattie realized that part of her hurt belonged to her damaged ego. Her sense of “self” was under attack. In fact an important and valued sense of self. Being a “good daughter” was important to Mattie. She had an idea, a vision, a dream, of what it meant to be “a good daughter”, and the hateful words crushed that part of her ego.

Protecting The Ego

When we have a strong emotional reaction following what is perceived as an insult, look at ego. Look at your sense of self. Another person may not see you as you want to be seen. Another person may not see you as you really are. Perhaps you are trying to protect a part of ego that does not even exists. We all have a certain amount of delusions. Trying to protect the dream of ego can be a slippery slope indeed and increase our defensive responses, angry responses and sadness. We experience a  wonderful sense of relief when we no longer feel the need to defend and protect the ever changing and illusive ego.

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